starting off the matchday round up in div 1 we have soccerettes VS
circles boys

CB'S have had a tough time as of late and went into the match as
underdogs in just about everyones books
CB's kicked off with a relatively untested team of Fergy, DEVINURDOG
and captain Vargo

SOCCERETTES kicked off with socrates, donny and new hotly contested
signing saviola
the game was largely contested in CB'S half for the first minute and
twenty seconds until a wall battle in which DEVINURDOG came out stronger
than socrates
leaving him free to score on an empty net
1-0 CB'S
SOCCERETTES made a tactical change,bringing on BANKS to replace socrates
hoping his fire power will get them a quick equaliser
now the game opens up....play is largely in midfield

axe joins for a second but he is a fag and is kicked
fuck off axe

around 3:40 soccerettes get the break...2 on 1 but a pass at the wrong angle
leaves banks only able to hit the post
UNLUCKY
CB's retreat into their half and park the bus after this hoping to see out the half
HOWEVER
SOCCERETTES in an attempt to widen out play take the ball back to their half
only to get caught out by a quick break leaving donny with two players bearing
down on him
the battle goes in the favour of fergy and fergy slots the ball in the net
2-0 CB'S at the end of the 1st half

second half begins with the same teams out
there's alot of huffing and puffing from soccerettes for the first 2 minutes
and a few half chances but nothing to write home about
with CB'S resolute defending by all three players its gonna be tough for
soccerettes to get a real chance as they seem to be trying to play beautiful hax

BANKS SCORES! with the assist from saviola
but with three seconds of the match to go it's too little too late im afraid
but it was a "beautiful hax" goal

Game ends CB'S 2 - 1 SOCCERETTES

an upset by all accounts, on paper this should have been a victory for soccerettes
but CB's done exactly what they had to and got the breaks at the right moments
maybe soccerettes need to start playing ugly to win games like this rather than relying on skill
alone

well done CB'S

Next up we have cathletico maddudes V N.W.A

a match full of de creme of de crop of FM haxball, the foreign mercaneries
of cath mad dudes vs the brit grit of N.W.A (with lekumberri adding the flair)



caths start with opc, cathalio, and the king of teamspeak attaxsh0t
N.W.A start with Lekumberri, Fabregas, and king of strikers mc smiley

with lekumberri getting bored 30 seconds in he wanders out of goals to leave fabregas covering
this has its consequences as on 40 seconds in...attaxshot disposesses him easily at the wall,
crosses to opc, who easily dispatches the ball into the net past helpless fabregas

1-0 CATHLETICO MADDUDES

after losing a goal so easily N.W.A go into their shell for a minute
which is understandable as caths are flexing their muscles

just as N.W.A looking to be coming back to their senses...some clever play and hesitant defending
from fabregas and lekumberri allows opc to play a great bounce pass
straight into the path of attax, the german pro isnt going to miss from that range...sets himself up
and slots the ball away

2-0 CATHLETICO MADDUDES

N.W.A look like the second goal has finally woken them up, a pity lekumberri is still asleep
.Some attempted pressure from N.W.A leads to a loose ball breaking down to the side
lekumberri is napping in the middle of the field and the ball breaks for cathalio to get a shot
from a tight angle

3-0 CATHLETICO MADDUDES

From bad to worse for N.W.A in the first half, a shoddy rushed clearance from a nothing situation
by fabregas lets OPC in to score an easy goal

4-0 CATHLETICO MADDUDES

1st half finishes 4-0 to cathletico maddudes....N.W.A have gone quiet and need to do something to turn this around
Cath subs himself off to make way for new signing MY FACE VEN poppy dan!

after the first minute of the first half it looks like MFV poppy dan is an astute signing, his positioning
so far has been spot on, the same cannot be said for N.W.A as a whole

signs of retribution as smiley takes it all on his shoulders a minute and a half in
hitting the post and then putting one away
COMEBACK?
dunno, more like it from N.W.A though

4-1 CATHLETICO MADDUDES

uh oh spoke too soon, a combination of good play and bad defence allows OPC to score again

5-1 CATHLETICO MADDUDES

same thing again im afraid, lekumberri really should have dealt with this one

6-1 CATHLETICO MADDUDES

defensive mixups from fabregas and lekumberri mean another goal against them

7-1 CATHLETICO MADDUDES

on the other hand....N.W.A are still in this game and score a reply with some good wing play from fabregas
and a cool finish from mc smiley, I do feel that MFV poppydan could've been better seated for this
but smiley really had time to pick his spot anyway
(just seen that poppydan said his fingers slipped, stop covering your computer in butter bro)


7-2 CATHLETICO MADDUDES

paul joins with 30 seconds to go and is kicked
who is paul? fuck off paul

time is up and the game has ended
it was rather one sided from where im sitting and N.W.A have some serious work within their squad to do if they want to compete
lekumberri needs to waken up and fabregas has to step it up a gear

cathletico maddudes looked strong but with shock tactix coming up in the cup they're probably going to shit themselves and lose 10-0
do they need maddude? the pressure is on cathalio to decide

HERE WE GO IN DIVISION 2

its AC DEAD PEOPLE V BAYERN NEVERLOSIN


AC starting with TTOM, EDGAR DAVIDS, and ultimate new bro USOPP
BAYERN starting with (my new bro)OvoXo, RACHEL and LOCKE
we all know the fallout from this game so lets just see what happened with the play

BAYERN survive early pressure to put some of their own on but at the end of the
first minute AC are back ontop
TTOM uses his macro(jk) to beat Ovo at the wall and puts it in to EDGAR
EDGAR hits it straight at RACHEL who panics the clearanc straight back out to him
infront of goal
EDGAR slots it away

1-0 ACDP

no chem between OVO and RACHEL but USOPP nearly gifts a goal away close to
2 minutes gone
BAYERN just cant stay calm and clear their lines and now LOCKE is back in defence
aswell

some bad clearing and hesitant defending gives ACDP an easy second goal on 3:35

2-0 ACDP


LOCKE tries to make a sub and put RACHEL in goals but RACHEL refuses
LOCKE subs of RACHEL and replaces her with TANZIM
good instant impact from tanzim on the game, trying to get his team Back in it
as they push forward

20 seconds till halftime and its 2-1
I think it was tanzim that scored but i stopped looking and cba going back
either way I feel that it should have been dealt with by ACDP

2-1 ACDP

2nd half starts with ACDP switching on AERO and GHOST, this is a strong team out there
BAYERN remain unchanged and now have a mountain to climb

TTOM makes good use of his macro and aero nicks in to score

3-1 ACDP with 22seconds gone into half

BAYERN try to answer back but ghost pulls off a decent save from a LOCKE shot

TTOMS's macro does it again as he overpowers OVO and aero gets an easy tap in

4-1 ACDP with 50seconds gone into first half

BAYERN try to sub OVO out for GRIFFIN but it appears GRIFFIN is dead so the
sub is un-subbed

LOCKE is mad as fuck at this point and MICK is trollin


a badly telegraphed pass from LOCKE gifts AERO an easy goal and the hat-trick

5-1 ACDP

MICK DOESNT KNOW SHIT AT THIS POINT

and some poor defensive play from TANZIM(who hasnt really made any mistakes so far)
allows ACDP to score again

6-1 ACDP
(at this point mick says mad is gay)

AERO should've scored on 4 minutes but hits straight at OVO

GAME OVER
ACDP WIN 6-1

BAYERN didnt play that badly in the first half, they finished it strong.
If ACDP hadn't changed to arguably the strongest team in DIV 2 then maybe the result could've
gone their way

however, ACDP look too strong, and should win this league if they continue playing like this

(unless shock tactix beat them 10-0 and they shit themselves)

Only arguably the strongest?

Lovely reviews, very observant and funny. Made me laugh several times.

Yeah I was reading this in bed on my phone last night and couldn't stop laughing. Amazing insight, Shock.


Shock Tactix to beat every team 10-0 and make them shit themselves for the rest of the season.

NEXT UP IS ACTION MEN V SHITTY NAME

ACTION MEN start the game with the greatest haxball player of all time
and inventor of the juke CRIB5,MICK the bro, and captain america NJ
DEADLY MONKEYS start with AIDAN who knows the ball went over the line, AARON
and KLINSA who has all the hype about him

the game starts off and early signs are showing NJ to be the best player on
the park so far, other than that no signs of panic from either teams

a minute 23 in and KLINSA easily gets past KRIB5 to hit a shot at MICK.
MICK isnt concentrating on play and hits it straight into AIDAN who returns
it into the net with ease

1-0 DEADLY MONKEYS

close one from KLINSA 15 seconds after the goal, he gets the cut on NJ but
not enough pace to carry the ball home, MICK clears frantically

2:18 in and another goal for AIDAN
You could say that NJ should have closed him down, and you could say that MICK
was wrongly placed in goal, either way AIDAN made it look easy

2-0 DEADLY MONKEYS

AIDAN is now winning all the battles and KR!B5 cant get a touch of the ball
on 3 minutes KR!85 continues having a howler when he gets out of position and in
MICK'S way
the ball ounces between them, both hesitate, AIDAN strolls in to complete a hat-trick
3 minutes into the game
is that the fastest FM HAT-TRICK this season?

ßlāzing joins and leaves before he is kicked for being a tramp
AARON has remained largely untested with 30 seconds left to go in the half, but done
what is needed when called upon
CAMSAMPBELL is claiming he is lagging pretty hard but isnt even playing
the haxball equivalent of david haye's broken toe

1st half finishes and KAHR!B5 is dishing out some tactics talk to ACTION MEN
who definitely need something
crib$: need to get to the man quicker
and KLINSA is just hungry
Klinsa: cmon start gta eat(what did he eat afterwards is what i wanna know)

Teams start the second half the same way they ended the first...

ACTION MEN look re-invigorated, possibly down to see'ing 0-0 up on the scoreboard

a minute and a half in NJ is unlucky and hits the post after some sustained pressure.
However, ACTION MEN keep following two good passes with one bad one and the moves break down

2:53 and we see that DEADLY MONKEYS defensive tactics for this half dont suit their style of play
AARON runs into no mans land after the ball breaks for KR1BS and finds its way to NJ who has
an easy finish

3-1 DEADLY MONKEYS

Aaron: stay back and help me out
Aaron: my ping has shot up
Klinsa: i'll stay back
Klinsa: aidan
Klinsa: ??

lol...aidan defending

in a shock twist....AIDAN disconnects and AARON decides to start playing 3v2...schoolboy error.
Personally id've faked lag and stalled for a while

ACTION MEN smell blood as they have the man advantage...but instead of using it, KRlbZ decideds to get
in NJ's way and then pass back to MICK??? no chemistry

FINALLY the wall is breached and NJ gets the break, the ball betweenAARON and KLINSA ends up infront of
him and he slots away like a pro

3-2 DEADLY MONKEYS with 30seconds left...squeaky bum time

I'd like to say it was an exciting finish but it wasn't
some bad passing and positioning from ACTION MEN made it easy for KLINSA and AARON
to defend
the game ends 3-2 DEADLY MONKEYS

DEADLY MONKEYS deserved the win from AIDANS MAN OF THE MATCH performance but when they tried
to defend their lead in the second half they looked weak so they need to work on that
ACTION MEN need to work on their passing and chemistry if they want to get back to where they started

needless to say...both teams are nothing on shock tactix and i predict 10-0 losses and shat pants for them

These write-ups are very entertaining.

Haha I hope more random people join so shock can insult them

Very entertaining reviews

THE BALL WASNT OVER THE LINE